Dear Assistant Secretaries: 

As you may know, our boss, Big Denny, is in a bit of pickle these days, what with all this Mark Foley business. I thought this might be a good time to review our filing procedures for office notes and memoranda. 
Please note the following guidlines:
 
  • Denny's Chat Logs (screen name WrestlecOAcH) are NOT to be archived for any reason).
  • Please continue to postdate all files by 9 months to a year. This means any notes or meetings the Speaker had from last Spring should not be dated any earlier than "last weekend" and at the latest "yesterday."
  • Please continue to keep the Iraq file folder in the Al-Qaeda section of the cabinet.
  • At no time should assistant secretaries "strip down and get relaxed" during filing duties.
  • File all correspondence from screen name maf54 under "Dirty Tricks, Democratic"
  • Please relabel and refile the folder marked "October Surprise" as "Attempts, Last Ditch."
  • Be sure to refile all documents from the Missing and Exploited Children's Caucus Chairman under both "Hypocrisy" and "Service, Lip."
  • Refile "pedophilia" as "pedophilia, not."
  • We've noticed that the "Corruption, Internal" file has been growing quite large. Please sort through these files and, where appropriate, refile under "Dirty Tricks, Democratic."
  • We notice this may make the "Dirty Tricks, Democratic" file also quite large, what with the maf54 correspondence in it. So, please split the file into "democrats, chat logs we claim were faked by" and "made, mistakes."
  • Go ahead and throw away the empty folders in the cabinet, especially "learned, lessons," "conscience, guilty" and "plans for, GOP 2006 Congressional majority."
Thank you for your attention to these guidelines.
Midge